Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
