He had one of those small greek statue penises
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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