is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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