I think I died a long time ago.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
