You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize