I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
