I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
