I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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