i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize