It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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