I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm passing your future prison.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
