If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
