i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
