i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
