i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i think my cat just said my name.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
