had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
