I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
