If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
