I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
