Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
