aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As shirtless as possible
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
