I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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