Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
