My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
