:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
