You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
