why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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