A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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