so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My vagina is officially offended.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize