I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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