You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
