I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
