You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
