I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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