I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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