When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
