she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
