He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
