ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
