i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
