my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
