All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
