Having a random hookup so left but love u
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
