a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
