As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
