Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize