All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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