Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
