i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
