I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
