If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
