LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
