Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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