somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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