I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
