Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
