I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
