Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
