singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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