you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
