I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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