When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
