going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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