Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
