I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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