hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
