He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
