Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
