You made me cry and you don't even care
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want nice things and good sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
