Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
