The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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