I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
