just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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