I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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