toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
