The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This house was built for laser tag.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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