he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And then my night got REAL pukey
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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