I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
