I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
