I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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