are you so shy because you have an std?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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