I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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