This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
