Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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