Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize